Wallflower

It is evident that everyone wants to be in the limelight these days. Narcissism is inevitable, social media sites can testify to that. It seems that everyone is looking for that shining moment and a Ryan Seacrest to legitimize their fame. But these kids doesn't realize the stress that is directly proportional to this kind of thing. Is it really worth the fame?

Also, other people sees institutional position to be a gateway to power and fame. Voted by a couple of members can guarantee you a special seat with special privileges that normal people won't get. But is it worth your time?

Have you seen the movie "Perks of Being a Wallflower"? Who would even want to be a wallflower? A person whose presence is not a big deal. You walk into a room or even in your campus and people doesn't care. You miss a deadline and no one will bother. I want to be a wallflower! I want to be a wallflower for a span of time. We all have that share of fame and I'm done with mine. Or atleast for the most part of my life. And right now, right at this moment, I want to be a nobody. I just want to be a simple person who has all the time in the world for themselves. I just want to be an ordinary person.

Maybe you'll think that I'm boasting things but reality is I just want to get this off my chest because I'm sick of these things. And yes, for once I want to drop all the responsibilities because I'm tired being always the one in charge and the point person for everything. I want to be Charlie.

Depression Strikes Again

As much as possible, I'm avoiding memories from my childhood. I don't wanna remember what are my favorite cartoons, favorite songs, how does our old house looks like and everything that can remind me that once in my life I have a perfect family. Back when I was a kid, me and my playmates would argue who has the best mom and dad. We would boast what are parents are doing for a living, if there company sounds good to our ears and how much money they give us when we go to school. I lived in a village where people know each other and us kids play outside and they will not be worried even till the sun sets down. I used to think that forever we will be like this. I go to school every weekdays and during Sundays we go to church.
                                
Time has passed and bliss petered away. Why is it has to happen to me? Why me? Why not someone else? Though i have answered this question long ago for it's been 6 years since we got out of that house. I stayed with my mom which later on left me. Though i may be seen as valiant there are times that i wanna cry and beg my mom to live with us again. Because of my current predicament, i can't help but to be furious about my father. God knows that i want to forgive him but this dagger that he puts in our lives keeps on dragging us down in every aspect.

I miss my mom though she always nags at me. She always wants a clean kitchen, a dry bathroom and an organize room, i miss her. It dawned to me the other day that she is getting older and I'm here far from her. It feels like a waste of time every second that I don't spend with my mother. Is this another attack of depression on me? I don't know. But i just feel like writing about this. I tell you, if you are living with your parents right now be grateful. You are lucky to have them.

What Does These Months Has For Me

Hey there. It's been a long time since i wrote something here. I know i said before that i will try to write here everyday but my schedule doesn't permits me to. There are a lot of things that i want to talk about but it seems that I already told those stories to some people so those stories hasn't been in my mind for quite some time now. But let me talk about the first thing that is in my head right now. I'm pondering on making this blog a tagalog blog. Maybe because of my dislike on Jose Rizal. But i also realize that if i'm targeting Filipino Netizens then there shouldn't be a problem writing in this language. I also realized that i should not try to get the whole wide web as my audience. I should write in the context of my country because i learned that the more specific you are the more general it'll be.

Also another realization that i had these past months that my level of sadness is directly proportional to the number of novels that i can finish. I'm struggling with something for the past months and i finished 7 novels in 3 months time. Usually i just finish 3-4 novels a year. I'm that kind of person who thinks too much so to block the thoughts that bother me i read novels. I don't know about you but it is effective for me.

There has been a lot of great opportunities for me these past months and i can't say that i'm overwhelmed. For every title that you get there is a corresponding responsibility. It may sound good that you have those titles and when your friends heard about it they are all over you saying how awesome that is. But they will never understand how much work you need to put in to maintain those "titles" that they is awesome. But still thank you Lord for all of these.