Where do I fit in?

Where can you find the place where you will fit in best? Who can say to you that you shall take this path and not the otherwise? How can this crucial choice affect everyone around you? This is a very tough question that I will try to talk about somehow. I came across this question AGAIN in my class today and though I know for a fact what I want to be in my life what bothers me is that there are some people who are still not in the same predicament as I am. I’m not trying to boast here or something but what I’m trying to say is it also affects us in an indirect way when you make a decision that will place you in a field where you don’t best fit. It is an old issue about the nursing students that are taking the course because they were forced to by their parents or lured by the “opportunity” outside the country. As one of my professors used to say “Sayang yung mga utak na pinilit magnursing. Pwede sana sila maging magaling na abogado o mambabatas sa talino nila na yan” We can establish a premise here that there are endless possibilities of what ifs with these people and how they could have helped our country in a more effective way. 

If you happened to watch the movie 3 Idiots (a 2009 Bollywood film) one of Rancho’s friend was forced by his parents to take Engineering when in fact he is a TALENTED photographer. He could have use those times that he spend in engineering school to enhance his photography skills but instead he wasted it studying something that he is not passionate about. We are all trying to find our place where we will be a functional member of the society and aiming to be effective. We should seek what we do best and pursue it. What are we passionate about and strive for it. Sometimes we are just in the wrong track doing things that are meaningless and wasting our time doing something we don’t need to do. This is exactly the problem why here in the Philippines is far from an ideal society. Though we can never have an ideal society but it doesn’t mean we stop trying to become one. Here comedians can be politicians, nursing graduates are in the call centers, political science graduates can teach sociology and other fields that a lot of wrong people are in it. 

I’m aware that we are highly influenced by the social media culture in our time today where you can see what everyone is doing with just a click. It is also by this culture that we think in such a way that we seek what we can get and what we think we deserve. It is all about us and what we are entitled to have. It made us forget that every right has a responsibility with it. We are responsible to what our country is becoming. There is no one to blame but us to what is happening in the Philippines. So what are we trying to do to contribute to our country? Are we on the field that we think we can contribute effectively? Of course some would argue that it is the practicality that they are doing the things they are doing right now. But is it really the reason or we just don’t have the guts to make a stand? I’m sure that you don’t want to see the old gray haired you telling to yourself that you live a life of practicality not making a dent on history.

Sabi Nila Pag-Ibig

Una tayong nagkita nung 2005. Hindi ko maexplain ano nararamdaman ko noon pero alam kong may kakaiba sa sayo kaya tuwing makikita kita hindi maipaliwanag na ngiti ang laging makikita sa aking mukha. Masyadong kumplikado ang mga bagay bagay noon. Nasa isang relasyon ako at hindi ko masasabing hindi ako seryoso sa sayo pero talagang hindi ko pa din maialis ang kakaibang saya pag nakikita kita. Hindi tayo nagkaroon masyado ng oras para magusap noong mga taong yun sa kadahilanan na din na pinagbabawalan ko ng taong may karapatan sa akin noon. Parang sa isang kisap mata dumaan ang ilang taon at hindi na kita masyado naiisip pero isang araw nag text ka! Pambihira para kinuryente ang puso ko at muling nabuhay ang pagkagusto ko sayo. Hindi ko mabilang ang mga gabing hinihintay kita magtext na tila ba madalang pa sa patak ng ulan tayo nagkakausap. Dumaan pa ang maraming araw at nagkita tayo! Kahit sa oras na yun akala ko nanaginip lang ako. Nagkita nga tayo. Tumambay sa mga coffee shop at bookstores. Sa mga oras na to ako pinakamasaya. Akala ko dati hindi mo ako mapapansin kasi iba priorities mo. Sa mga araw na un iniisip ko totoo nga ata ang mga sinasabi nila sa mga taong nahuhulog ang loob na tumitigil daw ang mundo. Bagamat alam ko na hindi ko hinayaan na maging ganoon kalalim ang nararamdaman ko, wala akong nagawa. Sa sobrang saya at pagkalango ko sa nararamdaman ko hinayaan ko ang sarili kong mahulog ng tuluyan at walang tinira sa sarili ko.

Ibig kong ibigay ang mundo noon para sa iyo. Nakalimutan ko ang mga bagay na nais kong gawin at abutin nung mga panahong un at wala akong ibang inisip kundi paano tayo magiging masaya. Lumalim ng lumalim ang ating samahan. Lagi tayong magkasama at halos minu-minuto tayo magkausap. Ikaw ang naging mundo ko noon at alam kung nawawala na ako sa mga pinaniniwalaan kong tama at dapat kung gawin. Ako ung tipo ng tao na iniiwasan maattach sa mga tao dahil ayoko ng nasasaktan. Walang gustong masaktan. Pero ako ayoko kahit onti. Pero dahil sayo sinubukan kong isugal ang mga bagay.

Tulad ng ibang pelikulang tagalog hindi naglaon, nag iba ka bigla. Nawala ang dating lambing, hindi ka na ganoon tulad ng dati kung minahal. Hindi ko lubos maisip na mararamdaman ko to. Leche akala ko hindi to nangyayari sa tunay na buhay! Kulang ang lahat ng depinisyon ng panglulumo sa naramdaman ko nung unti unti ka ng nalalayo sa akin. Saan ako nagkamali? Saan ako nagkulang? Na kung kailan ko sinubukan at hinayaan ang sarili ko magmahal ng buong buo ay eto ang napala ko. Binigay ko lahat ng kaya kong ibigay at hinayaan ko ang sarili kong mahulog ng tuluyan at eto ang nangyari. Basag na basag ako ng mga panahong un. Daig ko pa ang nabugbog o naHazzing at ang masaklap pa dun walang gamot sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. Wala akong magawa para maibsan ang paghihirap ko. Dahil ang tanging lunas ko ay ikaw at wala ka na. Bumalik na parang agos ng dalampasigan sa isip ko ang mga ala ala ng ating pagsasama. Sabay natin pinanood ang paglubog ng araw. Lagi tayong nagkukulitan sa telepono at walang gusto magbaba. Masaya na tayo sa panonood ng mga pelikula sa laptop ko habang kumakain ng niluto mong pagkain. Pero heto ako ngayon na ni sa hinagap hindi inakala na eto'y mangyayari.

Sinubukan kong isalba ang pag ibig natin. Ginawa ko pa din ang lahat para maging tulad tayo ng dati. Pero sa tuwing sinusubukan ko lalo lang lumalalim ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. At dito ko napatunayan na hindi na pwede ibalik. Hindi na maibabalik. Yun ay mga ala ala na lang. Ngayon hindi ko alam kung minahal mo nga ako. Pero eto ang tandaan mo. Walang isang segundo noon na hindi ka tinibok ng puso ko. Minahal kita ng higit pa sa alam mo. Pero hanggang dito nalang talaga tayo.

Courage

Courage is not the absence of fear; Courage is not becoming a slave of fear.We often think or say that someone is courageous because they have the guts, they are strong and has no fear. Are you like that? Or do you wish to be like that? I remember when i was a child i have no fear. I do things that i want to do without having second thoughts on it. When i was asked to participate on a certain competition i don't say NO. Never did I when i was in elementary. Then i went to highschool, i must say that my ego just became higher and nowhere to be found in the ground. Also because i know in myself no one can oppose me for what i believe, what i know, and what i can do. There are no one who can beat me down and my morale is that invincible.

When i move up to college and i transferred house. I was still a air-headed person. But maybe because of the circumstances that made me doubt myself? During my early years of my college life i was emotionally down and fragile. I was not prepared from the succeeding events and i have this fear of failure and destruction. I was way beyond my comfort zone and many things happened that made me weak and fearful. It was a long and tiring journey that time. I think i have signs of depression that time and no one is capable of helping me.

God knows how long it is but i recovered. I faced my demons and overcame my fear. I learn to be independent and took full responsibility of my future. There goes my fear of becoming nothing, fear that i may not be able to sustain myself for everyday living and the list goes on. But here i am now, studying my course where my passion is and trying to rebuild myself again. Whatever you might be afraid of right now, whatever is hindering you from being the best and happy, whatever it is always keep in mind to take courage and go for it! For you shall not be a slave of fear!

Democracy Is In Our Hands

Before i sleep i want to write a couple more things here. It is so random that i want to tackle about democracy at this time. As Plato once said "The problem with democracy is that decisions are made by people without knowledge". Together with this I once read in my Facebook news feed that the Philippines' politician and government leaders these days are nothing but the tip of the iceberg. These leaders got elected because this is how the Filipinos think and rationalize. Though there are some exceptions because there is also a percentage of citizens that are educated and has a sensible opinions about political issues and economic need of the Philippines. You may also say right now to me that there is a widespread anomaly in every election and results are not that credible. But let's be realistic that no matter how big the influence of a certain politician or government personality, despite of their efforts you cannot outnumber the votes of majority of the people. Maybe it can help them a notch to gain a comfortable position but still this is subject to debate.

We always want democracy, freedom as others may say, we want to be autonomous and sovereign but are we really up for it? I'm fully aware that there is no perfect government but should not dismiss the notion of improvement. We should not settle for mediocrity and be passive about these things. As democracy in its sense has a big reliance on its people and we should not neglect that. Our goal is that we should aim to educate our people and eradicate ignorance. Before poverty, debts and territory disputes we should first educate our people and awareness to this things will follow much more a better understanding of these issues.

Today, September 21, 2012 we are remembering the Martial Law that once tasted by our country and because of this people became suddenly awakened from their slumber and revolted; I honestly believe this is because they cannot afford to ignore this anymore for they are directly affected by this that time. People across the globe recognized us because of the succeeding events following the Proclamation 1081. But this doesn't last that long and the all of a sudden the patriotism died. This should not be a temporal; the passion to learn and be held responsible for our own democracy should be reminded to every Filipino every day. The efforts of some private sectors and companies in igniting the Filipino Spirit in anyway they can shall not be put in vain. If we all want to be truly free and sovereign, we should take the responsibility in our shoulders and every single Filipino should also do the same.

Believer

As I've promised, I will try my best to update my blog everyday. :) So after writing that post yesterday I was trying to think my past thoughts that I would like to write here in my blogsite. Some of them are still here in my phone so I will attempt to unearth them together with the thoughts that comes with it. Because I only save titles of my ideas and not the whole story. So I shall refresh my brain now. Hahahaha!

Okay to start i found this in my drafts "And the trouble is if you don't risk anything, you are risking even more". I think i heard this from a sunday message. Which appeals to me because I'm that kind of person who is a risk taker. This kind of attitude develops in me since i became independent at a very young age. So I've learned to take a risk since i feel that there is nothing to lose in trying. Even though in reality you are gambling a part of you at some instances. The thing is a lot of people are afraid to get out of their comfort zones and made themselves comfortable to what they have or what they are at the present time. But that will not work for me. I know and honestly believe that there a lot of things to chase in this life and a lot of wonderful events that are just waiting for us to unveil. I'm always a believer of good things, of good life and optimism runs through my veins.

From all of the things that happened to me and the things that I've overcome in life, I can say that there is more to life than miseries and sorrows. Never ever think that you had enough of everything because there is a lot in store for all of us. So take the risk and seize the day! :)

Here I Go Again

These past years I've been blogging sporadically because i just want to say things that i can't say to people who knows me personally. Whether you believe me or not i want to religiously post everyday here but everytime that I have something to write i end up typing it on my phone instead or tweeting about it. You cannot blame me because social media and other technology made me lazy about everything. But i want to change. I want to be a new person today! It's been a long time since I've been conscious of how i look or what i wear and all. I'm that kind of person that is more concerned about things that i read, that i learn and when i say reading it means reading a LOT!

I think wanting to be a new person is an exaggeration and what i mean is to be a better person. To be better in some aspects of my life. I'm thinking of making another blog and is dedicated for my weight loss journey. I will try to make a video of my every day progress and write things about it that makes sense. Hahaha! It took me a long time to realize that i should be also conscious of how i look and my health. I will start to make this blog the moment i purchase a mountain bike.

Being a better version of yourself is a constant stretch. Wanting to be better than you already are is one thing that i love about myself. Hahahaha! Improving all the aspects of your life is a fulfilling task to do. Though being busy with other stuffs made me ignore about my physical appearance can be an excuse but I'm not regretting it. I've learned a lot along the way making me the person I am today. It is never too late to look for improvements and you should also look ways on how to do this for yourself. :)

XYZ

Is it humanly possible for someone in my age to be not that eager to be romantically involved with someone? Or am i just denying myself of this feeling because I've been hurt before? That could be a reason but maybe not? I noticed that after my previous relationship (which didn't end up so well) suddenly i was not that eager to be in a relationship again.. unlike before, i was always the one who end it and instantly replace them with a new one.. but with this i think i was really committed than i was before. i invested a lot of emotions and time and then we end up like that.. though i was also the one who ended it.. it felt bad.. it felt terrible.. it is such a waste.. i can't even treasure those memories they weren't real.. (let me that person XYZ) aleast for XYZ.. because for me i was being true the entire relationship.. but i know XYZ is trying but really not into it.. i read it from XYZ's notebook (unfortunately i have it). it hurts.. it really hurts.. because all those times i believe that what we have is real.. i can see it.. but if it's love then it must not end.. but it did.. on the latter part of our relationship we always fight.. always! XYZ was being so unreasonable and irritated.. i didn't give up on XYZ not until i had enough.. not until i know that it will go nowhere.. those fights and words that XYZ had said i know that it isn't love..so what's the point of staying together? you know what hurts the most? it is those memories of sunsets, laughters, nights that we were together, those surprises, gifts and many other more.. those ain't real.. it's sad.. what a tragedy..

now i'm waiting for that person who can make me feel again.. give that spark.. and hopefully someone that i can really trust my heart with..

Fight against Violence (KONY 2012)

There was this video that has been circulating for a while now but I didn’t pay attention till today. KONY 2012 is a video by Jason Russel that aims to raise support and awareness for the arrest of Joseph Kony. I was so moved by this video clip that I decided to make an action and support this campaign. I know that one of the actions that I can make is to blog about it. 1.4M likes on Facebook and thousand of readers every day, writing about this in Definitely Filipino will surely reached a number of readers who will hopefully advocate for the “Invisible Children”. Who is Joseph Kony? He is the leader of a cult group named Lord’s Resistance Army (originally called United Holy Salvation Army) in Uganda formed in 1987, claims that he is the spokesperson of God and wants Uganda to be in Theocracy. 

Over the years Kony has been abducting children (according to Jason Russel there are 30,000 up to date) to join his army; kidnapping them to be his soldiers, sometimes forcing them to kill their own parents and also using this children as their sex slaves. They make the children serves as a decoy sending them in frontlines, sometimes used as pack mules carrying LRA supplies until they cannot walk anymore they will either kill them or left to die. Kony also tortures them by cutting off the children’s nose, ear, lips and make them eat their own flesh. Children in Uganda and other parts of Africa are living in fear for their lives, sleeping every night thinking if they will be abducted or not and that is a sad truth.

This KONY 2012 campaign aims that by December 31, 2012 Joseph Kony will be arrested and we will win this fight against war. I’m aware that there are also a lot of people doubting the credibility of this campaign or the sincerity of the organization running this campaign but isn’t it good to know that there are still people fighting for the rights of other. It is better to support the fight for violence than to sit back and do nothing. It doesn’t change the fact that still Joseph Kony is the #1 most wanted and he make thousands of families in Africa miserable. US government is already supporting this campaign. Several US advisers were involved as well as military troops. We as Filipinos will also make a stand against violence. We can make an AWARENESS. We as human who don’t want our loved ones to be hurt or to be in danger will share the burdens of those people victimized by Kony. We will make history. Russel said in the same video that strikes me the most “Who are you to end the war? I’m here to tell you who are you not to?”.

HOW TO HELP:
Visit: http://kony2012.com
Donate to Invisible Children: https://stayclassy.org/checkout/set-donation?eid=14711
For info on Invisible Children: http://invisiblechildren.com

(Sources: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Kony , http://www.nndb.com/people/398/000022332/ )

setting goals..

I don't feel that i'm missing my high school batch mates. Is that offensive? Maybe i was too preoccupied with other things, uh no, i mean a lot of things! 

Every now and then there is always one or two of my batch mates that are getting married, pregnant and some of them still studying. Others have work but you can say that it is only for a specific span of time and they will be transferring company again, very few are those who are really stable at this point. It seems that no one is seriously planning for their futures and just going with the flow.

It occurred to me "Do i have a difference from all of them" . When i was a kid i used to imagine myself above from any other kids of my age. Well, i strongly believe that my confidence before was as high as the stars above for my perception about things and realizations of my limitations are not yet determined.

On the other side, i was starting to feel again that confidence that was once lost. It is all in the mind. What i think i cannot do was all in my mind. Opportunities are everywhere and it is just a matter of confidence and determination.

What i'm trying to do now is to enhance my talent and capabilities and use it to it's fullest and have no regrets in the future that i didn't give this and that a shot. As one wiseman said that you shouldn't be afraid of failing rather than being sorry for not trying.

My plans for my future are of course just mere plans but the will of God shall prevail. I will do my part to maximize every chance i have. Live every single day as if it is the last day. 

Transcendence..

It's always all about yourself. You perceive almost everything with your own presuppositions. "I don't like this" , "I don't feel doing this" and other more. We always want situations to favor our side, our feelings and our pride. Even myself is guilty of this. Why not? It is much more easier that way; much more convenient. But what are the odds? It seems normal if you want more likes on your Facebook status or more retweets. But this narcissism tendency closes your mind to other opinions, comments or culture and even much more about this blog that i'm writing.

One thing I've noticed is when you are in the age that you think you can handle yourself then you are also confident or shall i say more than confident that whatever you decide, conclude or think is absolute. The age where you are fleeting from your adolescence to adulthood and building your own identity and reputation. Everything is more complicated now but as you are starting to create yourself you become more sensitive, more opinionated and egoistic not like when you were a child.

Now, other people who have been to where you are right now starts giving you advice, criticize you and try to tell you what your limits are but this is not just a piece of cake. Because you start to think that you is better than them, that you can have a better way of doing things and nothing is difficult for you to achieve. I understand that side but here's what i'm trying to say here; people are from different walks of life, different orientation and different cultures so you cannot always say that you are right and they are wrong also vice versa. There is always a chance that sometimes they just not tell you the whole picture but bottomline they just wanna make you understand, they wanna help you. One thing I've learned is that even there is always this possibility that we can make a better generation let us not ignore the wisdom that we can get listening to other people especially older people. Sometimes they're wrong but often times they're not. You can always create a better you and there is no harm using some help doing it.

finding my old brain..

while i'm reading my old posts here in my blog makes me feel awkward. hahaha. i was not posting these stuff that people will know that this is me writing this. just raw and random thoughts crossing my mind. i don't care if some grammar Nazis come here and criticize my punctuations,subject-verb whatsoever and other glitches. seriously, back off! well, one reason i'm reviving this blog is that i have this feeling that i'm losing myself. what i mean is that i think i'm corrupted by crappy music, pathetic social medias and mediocrity. i may be harsh with my words but that is reality. how many hours did i spend on Twitter, FB, Youtube and 9gag? whenever i have this great idea or a inspiring write up to make i always end up not doing it because i was exhausted doing a bunch of garbage online. i should courageously stop tweeting and socializing. it is time stimulate my brain and make things happen. 


also this post says a lot about my blogging skills. i'm losing it. not too late. gonna revive it. let this be a reminder to all of us fellow young people to be aware of what you are losing when you spend too much time on unimportant things. when you feed your mind with garbage. i must say that i'm also inspired by Charlie Chaplin for being not that sociable yet used his talent and principles to have his message heard in the most effective way. Keeping a low-profile and was not infiltrated by Hollywood. always find time to take a break from all of the demands of this world and start redeeming yourself. for only a few understand the importance of this and emerge as one of the rare and bright minds of this planet.