Wallflower

It is evident that everyone wants to be in the limelight these days. Narcissism is inevitable, social media sites can testify to that. It seems that everyone is looking for that shining moment and a Ryan Seacrest to legitimize their fame. But these kids doesn't realize the stress that is directly proportional to this kind of thing. Is it really worth the fame?

Also, other people sees institutional position to be a gateway to power and fame. Voted by a couple of members can guarantee you a special seat with special privileges that normal people won't get. But is it worth your time?

Have you seen the movie "Perks of Being a Wallflower"? Who would even want to be a wallflower? A person whose presence is not a big deal. You walk into a room or even in your campus and people doesn't care. You miss a deadline and no one will bother. I want to be a wallflower! I want to be a wallflower for a span of time. We all have that share of fame and I'm done with mine. Or atleast for the most part of my life. And right now, right at this moment, I want to be a nobody. I just want to be a simple person who has all the time in the world for themselves. I just want to be an ordinary person.

Maybe you'll think that I'm boasting things but reality is I just want to get this off my chest because I'm sick of these things. And yes, for once I want to drop all the responsibilities because I'm tired being always the one in charge and the point person for everything. I want to be Charlie.

Break!

A lot had happened but I just want to vent out what my feelings are now. I don't know why I feel disheartened. And I'm hating the fact that perhaps my laziness is getting the best out of me. There are a lot of things that are on my shoulder now but I just want to drop them and be a ordinary person. All this fuzz is making me crazy! As of the moment, I enjoy my time alone and my personal space. Not in the gear of doing things that doesn't concern me directly. But I'm also aware that if I will drop these things it will have an effect on me in the future so I feel like I'm in a conundrum.

I'm not a big fan of sacrifices. Doing things that I'm not passionate about. All my life I'm driven by passion and I do things because of it. But yeah, sometimes things are not on your own terms. I just want to be alone with my books and a couple of good movies and tv series.

Life would be so much better without these people who expects so much from me. If things would be simple as it is. And that we are in our best state. Free of mediocrity.

Where do I fit in?

Where can you find the place where you will fit in best? Who can say to you that you shall take this path and not the otherwise? How can this crucial choice affect everyone around you? This is a very tough question that I will try to talk about somehow. I came across this question AGAIN in my class today and though I know for a fact what I want to be in my life what bothers me is that there are some people who are still not in the same predicament as I am. I’m not trying to boast here or something but what I’m trying to say is it also affects us in an indirect way when you make a decision that will place you in a field where you don’t best fit. It is an old issue about the nursing students that are taking the course because they were forced to by their parents or lured by the “opportunity” outside the country. As one of my professors used to say “Sayang yung mga utak na pinilit magnursing. Pwede sana sila maging magaling na abogado o mambabatas sa talino nila na yan” We can establish a premise here that there are endless possibilities of what ifs with these people and how they could have helped our country in a more effective way. 

If you happened to watch the movie 3 Idiots (a 2009 Bollywood film) one of Rancho’s friend was forced by his parents to take Engineering when in fact he is a TALENTED photographer. He could have use those times that he spend in engineering school to enhance his photography skills but instead he wasted it studying something that he is not passionate about. We are all trying to find our place where we will be a functional member of the society and aiming to be effective. We should seek what we do best and pursue it. What are we passionate about and strive for it. Sometimes we are just in the wrong track doing things that are meaningless and wasting our time doing something we don’t need to do. This is exactly the problem why here in the Philippines is far from an ideal society. Though we can never have an ideal society but it doesn’t mean we stop trying to become one. Here comedians can be politicians, nursing graduates are in the call centers, political science graduates can teach sociology and other fields that a lot of wrong people are in it. 

I’m aware that we are highly influenced by the social media culture in our time today where you can see what everyone is doing with just a click. It is also by this culture that we think in such a way that we seek what we can get and what we think we deserve. It is all about us and what we are entitled to have. It made us forget that every right has a responsibility with it. We are responsible to what our country is becoming. There is no one to blame but us to what is happening in the Philippines. So what are we trying to do to contribute to our country? Are we on the field that we think we can contribute effectively? Of course some would argue that it is the practicality that they are doing the things they are doing right now. But is it really the reason or we just don’t have the guts to make a stand? I’m sure that you don’t want to see the old gray haired you telling to yourself that you live a life of practicality not making a dent on history.

Courage

Courage is not the absence of fear; Courage is not becoming a slave of fear.We often think or say that someone is courageous because they have the guts, they are strong and has no fear. Are you like that? Or do you wish to be like that? I remember when i was a child i have no fear. I do things that i want to do without having second thoughts on it. When i was asked to participate on a certain competition i don't say NO. Never did I when i was in elementary. Then i went to highschool, i must say that my ego just became higher and nowhere to be found in the ground. Also because i know in myself no one can oppose me for what i believe, what i know, and what i can do. There are no one who can beat me down and my morale is that invincible.

When i move up to college and i transferred house. I was still a air-headed person. But maybe because of the circumstances that made me doubt myself? During my early years of my college life i was emotionally down and fragile. I was not prepared from the succeeding events and i have this fear of failure and destruction. I was way beyond my comfort zone and many things happened that made me weak and fearful. It was a long and tiring journey that time. I think i have signs of depression that time and no one is capable of helping me.

God knows how long it is but i recovered. I faced my demons and overcame my fear. I learn to be independent and took full responsibility of my future. There goes my fear of becoming nothing, fear that i may not be able to sustain myself for everyday living and the list goes on. But here i am now, studying my course where my passion is and trying to rebuild myself again. Whatever you might be afraid of right now, whatever is hindering you from being the best and happy, whatever it is always keep in mind to take courage and go for it! For you shall not be a slave of fear!

Here I Go Again

These past years I've been blogging sporadically because i just want to say things that i can't say to people who knows me personally. Whether you believe me or not i want to religiously post everyday here but everytime that I have something to write i end up typing it on my phone instead or tweeting about it. You cannot blame me because social media and other technology made me lazy about everything. But i want to change. I want to be a new person today! It's been a long time since I've been conscious of how i look or what i wear and all. I'm that kind of person that is more concerned about things that i read, that i learn and when i say reading it means reading a LOT!

I think wanting to be a new person is an exaggeration and what i mean is to be a better person. To be better in some aspects of my life. I'm thinking of making another blog and is dedicated for my weight loss journey. I will try to make a video of my every day progress and write things about it that makes sense. Hahaha! It took me a long time to realize that i should be also conscious of how i look and my health. I will start to make this blog the moment i purchase a mountain bike.

Being a better version of yourself is a constant stretch. Wanting to be better than you already are is one thing that i love about myself. Hahahaha! Improving all the aspects of your life is a fulfilling task to do. Though being busy with other stuffs made me ignore about my physical appearance can be an excuse but I'm not regretting it. I've learned a lot along the way making me the person I am today. It is never too late to look for improvements and you should also look ways on how to do this for yourself. :)

Transcendence..

It's always all about yourself. You perceive almost everything with your own presuppositions. "I don't like this" , "I don't feel doing this" and other more. We always want situations to favor our side, our feelings and our pride. Even myself is guilty of this. Why not? It is much more easier that way; much more convenient. But what are the odds? It seems normal if you want more likes on your Facebook status or more retweets. But this narcissism tendency closes your mind to other opinions, comments or culture and even much more about this blog that i'm writing.

One thing I've noticed is when you are in the age that you think you can handle yourself then you are also confident or shall i say more than confident that whatever you decide, conclude or think is absolute. The age where you are fleeting from your adolescence to adulthood and building your own identity and reputation. Everything is more complicated now but as you are starting to create yourself you become more sensitive, more opinionated and egoistic not like when you were a child.

Now, other people who have been to where you are right now starts giving you advice, criticize you and try to tell you what your limits are but this is not just a piece of cake. Because you start to think that you is better than them, that you can have a better way of doing things and nothing is difficult for you to achieve. I understand that side but here's what i'm trying to say here; people are from different walks of life, different orientation and different cultures so you cannot always say that you are right and they are wrong also vice versa. There is always a chance that sometimes they just not tell you the whole picture but bottomline they just wanna make you understand, they wanna help you. One thing I've learned is that even there is always this possibility that we can make a better generation let us not ignore the wisdom that we can get listening to other people especially older people. Sometimes they're wrong but often times they're not. You can always create a better you and there is no harm using some help doing it.