Break!

A lot had happened but I just want to vent out what my feelings are now. I don't know why I feel disheartened. And I'm hating the fact that perhaps my laziness is getting the best out of me. There are a lot of things that are on my shoulder now but I just want to drop them and be a ordinary person. All this fuzz is making me crazy! As of the moment, I enjoy my time alone and my personal space. Not in the gear of doing things that doesn't concern me directly. But I'm also aware that if I will drop these things it will have an effect on me in the future so I feel like I'm in a conundrum.

I'm not a big fan of sacrifices. Doing things that I'm not passionate about. All my life I'm driven by passion and I do things because of it. But yeah, sometimes things are not on your own terms. I just want to be alone with my books and a couple of good movies and tv series.

Life would be so much better without these people who expects so much from me. If things would be simple as it is. And that we are in our best state. Free of mediocrity.

Depression Strikes Again

As much as possible, I'm avoiding memories from my childhood. I don't wanna remember what are my favorite cartoons, favorite songs, how does our old house looks like and everything that can remind me that once in my life I have a perfect family. Back when I was a kid, me and my playmates would argue who has the best mom and dad. We would boast what are parents are doing for a living, if there company sounds good to our ears and how much money they give us when we go to school. I lived in a village where people know each other and us kids play outside and they will not be worried even till the sun sets down. I used to think that forever we will be like this. I go to school every weekdays and during Sundays we go to church.
                                
Time has passed and bliss petered away. Why is it has to happen to me? Why me? Why not someone else? Though i have answered this question long ago for it's been 6 years since we got out of that house. I stayed with my mom which later on left me. Though i may be seen as valiant there are times that i wanna cry and beg my mom to live with us again. Because of my current predicament, i can't help but to be furious about my father. God knows that i want to forgive him but this dagger that he puts in our lives keeps on dragging us down in every aspect.

I miss my mom though she always nags at me. She always wants a clean kitchen, a dry bathroom and an organize room, i miss her. It dawned to me the other day that she is getting older and I'm here far from her. It feels like a waste of time every second that I don't spend with my mother. Is this another attack of depression on me? I don't know. But i just feel like writing about this. I tell you, if you are living with your parents right now be grateful. You are lucky to have them.